okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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