and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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