All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
