i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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