I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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