I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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