btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
