No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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