just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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