Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
