is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
