I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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