How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
