Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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