..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
