first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
