When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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