Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
