i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
