last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
