I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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