It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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