I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
