in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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