the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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