he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
