how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Still dying that you shit outside
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
