Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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