In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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