Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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