What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
