So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
