Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
