it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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