Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
