FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
