Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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