you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
