i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
