I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
