Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
