y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
