How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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