In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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