i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
