Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
