By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
