Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
