My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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