brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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