Little spoons don't ask big questions
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
