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Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
