he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
