i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
