I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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