he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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