Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
