I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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