So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
