The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
