Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
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it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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