mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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