so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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