The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
