Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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