I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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