who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
