R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
