yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
