Soap is not a condiment
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize