Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The air was thick with penises
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
third nipple confirmed
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize