she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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