theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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