Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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