Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
