just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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